[Saint Catherine of Genoa ~ XV-XVI Century; born: Genoa, Republic of Genoa/ died: Genoa, Republic of Genoa; (aged 62-63); Mystic; Spiritual Writer]
Chapter XVII ~ THE SAINT, IN CONCLUSION, APPLIES ALL THAT HAS BEEN SAID OF THE SOULS IN PURGATORY TO WHAT SHE FEELS AND EXPERIENCES IN HER OWN MIND.
THAT which I have thus described as going on within the souls who are actually in purgatory, I have experienced in my own soul, especially during the last two years ; and each day I see and feel it more clearly.
I perceive my soul in the midst of my body as in a purgatory, conformed and like to the true purgatory, in measure, however, that the body may be able to endure it and not die ; yet the pain goes on increasing gradually until death. I see the soul estranged to all things, even spiritual, which can give it nourishment as joy, delight, consolation ; and it has no power of tasting anything temporal or spiritual by will, by understanding, by memory, so that I can say, " This thing pleases me more than that other." My soul is, as it were, besieged in such a manner that all spiritual or bodily refreshments are gradually cut off ; and when they have been cut off, the soul, although it knows well how it could have been fed and comforted by them, looks on them with feelings of hatred and abhorrence, and rejects them all without repairing its loss. This happens because there exists within the soul an impulse to get rid of every hindrance to its perfection ; and that, too, with such severity to itself, that it would almost suffer itself to be cast into hell to reach this end : and so it goes on, removing everything which might feed the inward man, and be sieges itself so straitly, that not even the least particle of imperfection can pass without being spied out, and rejected with abhorrence. My body, too, since it can no longer communicate with the soul, is in like manner besieged, and unable to obtain anything to refresh its human nature ; there is no comfort for it but God, Who does all He does to satisfy His justice lovingly and with great mercy. When I see this, I feel satisfaction and peace ; but my sufferings are not the less, nor am I the less straitly besieged. No sufferings, however, could make me wish it otherwise than God has determined for me ; I remain in my prison without a wish to come out till God has done all that I need.
My happiness is that God should be satisfied ; and the greatest pain I could endure would be being excluded from His ordinance, for I see how just and merciful it is.
Image: Gabriele Dell'Otto ~ Dante's Divine Comedy ~ Eighth canto of the Inferno ~ ‘Flegias ferries Dante and Virgil across the Stygian Swamp’